I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
