I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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