I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
