he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
