He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
