wake up i wanna do it froggy style
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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