If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
