i just had sex bonerless
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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