So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
