I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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