I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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