You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
