I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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