So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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