Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
