I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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