he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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