i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
