That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
