i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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