my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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