Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
