My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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