Yo dont text me then not text me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
