yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
