i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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