Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
