So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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