what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
