oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
