No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
