Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize