I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
