Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
