My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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