How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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