after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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