my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize