Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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