Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
