I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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