just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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