When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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