Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
