When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
