what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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