so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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