Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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