Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just threw up on my dentist
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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