had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize