If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
