If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
