I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
