I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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