No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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