so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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