So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
