I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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