Your face is a jimmy john
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize