You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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