you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize