The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
